


And ye'll go back, To whence you came

by MercuryHomophony



Series: Behold the Field in Which I store my Headcannons (TAZ) [12]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Gen, death mentions, this was supposed to be funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-02
Updated: 2017-09-02
Packaged: 2018-12-22 21:08:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11975043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercuryHomophony/pseuds/MercuryHomophony
Summary: Living on a plane for almost 1000 years doesn't make you a native.At least, not as far as some spells are concerned...ORTaako gets Banished. Kravitz tries to fly. Lup collects secondhand. Barry does the paperwork.





	And ye'll go back, To whence you came

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be funny, and I suppose it probably still is, but there's some heft in there as well, so you've been warned.
> 
> Is sort of a sequel to "Here to Stay," but probably can be read alone (though if you like this, deffo check that one out!)

It was an unstated fact that Reapers could track souls. It only made logical sense, of course - how else were the Raven Queen’s servants to shepherd the souls of the lost or unwilling to the Astral Plane, if not without first hunting them down?

A lesser known fact was that Reapers, having come in contact with a soul once, could keep tabs on that soul forever afterward - a handy trick, when hunting necromancers, especially if you caught them early in their career. An even nicer luxury when you use it to keep tabs on the last living member of an extraplanar crew of heroes who had saved the entire universe as they knew it.

It was a promise the three Reapers had made to one another, shortly after Lup and Barry had joined Kravitz at his work. Not a single member of the IPRE, or the Bureau of Balance, would die without one of them there to guide them. After everything that they had sacrificed, that peace of mind was more than due to them. There had been a few rough patches, when the three of them had been _very_ busy, but they handled it, and slowly the number of souls under their watch dwindled to one, and stayed there, and insisted it would _continue_ to stay there for some time.

So, one can imagine how surprised they were when Taako Taaco’s soul vanished from the Prime Material Plane.

“I can’t _believe_ it,” Lup groused, dispatching the necromancer more forcefully than perhaps necessary. “You two felt it too, right? _Asshole_ , he knows one of us wanted to lead him over!”

“He might not have had a choice, Lup,” Barry reminded her. “If he went quickly, it might have been over and done with before he knew what was happening.”

“What about all those near-Krav experiences he had last decade, in that dungeon crawl? He almost bit it then and never came close to crossing over.”

“Lup,” Kravitz cut in, “please stop calling situations where Taako has almost died near-me experiences. And Barry is right, he might have been hit too fast.” With a swing, he struck the necromancer’s phylactery, and it shattered with a ghostly shriek. “I’ll go meet him on the Astral Plane. I imagine you…?”

Lup nodded. “I want a crack at whatever shuffled my brother off his mortal coil.” She pulled out her own scythe, preparing to slice to wherever Taako had been. “Babe, you coming with?”

“I’ll finish up the paperwork here and meet you when I’m done. It’ll only take a minute.”

“Alright. See ya, boys!” She gave them a quick, two-fingered salute before ducking through her portal, and Kravitz nodded to Barry before tearing open his own, stepping through to the Astral Plane. He was… a little disappointed, if he was honest with himself. Not with Taako, never with Taako, for this, but… he rather enjoyed the last few centuries, the time he’d been able to spend among the living, thanks to Taako. There was a fair chance he and his husband would still be able to visit the Prime Material Plane (he had worked out a few potential deals with the Raven Queen, Taako had some options for his afterlife), but it would be business more often than not.

He set foot on the shore of one of the Astral Planes’ many islands, pulled on his “pretty face,” and felt for Taako’s soul.

It wasn’t there.

Confused, he searched again - surely, he had missed it. After all, there were far more souls he kept tabs on in the Astral Plane, the Burnsides, the Fangbattle-Crushbones, the Highchurches… perhaps he had missed Taako’s soul in the hubbub.

His second search turned up nothing. Neither did the third, and his already cold and sluggish blood chilled.

A flick of his wrist summoned his book of bounties and fringe cases, and he flipped quickly through it to a familiar, near memorized page, reading it over quickly to find any change -

He found what he was looking for, dread settling over him just as Lup’s voice broke through the stone of farspeech around his neck. “Uh, boys? We have a problem.”

“I’ll say,” he replied. “According to the Book, Taako’s still alive, so…”

“Yeah, that’s the good news,” Lup cut him off, agitated. “The bad news is, I’m standing here with the warlock who cast Banishment on him, and he’s still holding the spell.”

Kravitz tried to recall the meaning behind that - Banishment was a fairly common spell across casters, and Raven Queen knows he’d had people try to cast it on him often enough, but…

His heart sank.

Banishment, if cast on a native to the plane, sent the ensorcered creature to a harmless demiplane for no more than a minute. But Taako wasn’t native to the plane. Not _this_ Prime Material Plane.

“Has it been a minute?” Barry asked over the stone. There was a grunt from Lup’s end, and an aborted, gurgled cry. “…Lup?”

“Sorry, just… dispatching,” she said. “The other kid, one of Merle’s adventuring guild, just popped back in.” The implication was unspoken, and Kravitz found himself physically reeling as it hit him.

Taako was… _gone_.

And not in the way he’d expected, no - he could have handled Taako being _dead_ , he had plans for that, things would have been different, but they still would have been together. Kravitz would have made sure of that. But, banished back to his home plane?

“I’ll go check some of the other Planes,” Barry was saying hurriedly over the stone, but Kravitz felt as though his voice was muffled, distant. “Maybe it’s a fluke spell?”

“Yeah. Yeah, maybe,” Lup said, and Kravitz could hear the slight shake to her voice, felt a wash of guilt and sorrow. If he was feeling this way, Taako’s husband, how must his _twin_ be feeling, at the possibility that she had lost him again, after promising him never again?

He tried, for just a second, to think of a future without Taako, and his mind swam at the concept, and he thought that this must have been what it was like to have the Voidfish blocking your memories, to simply be unable to conceive of a notion. Still, he recognized this feeling - it was the same one he’d had that day, when the Hunger had attacked, and he’d been trapped alone in the Eternal Stockade.

Hopelessness.

His absent pulse was a buzz of silence in his ears, numbing out Lup and Barry talking to each other (and him) over their stones of farspeech, turning them to white noise. This feeling was one he’d hoped never to face again, and yet, here it was. Taako was… he was gone, that beautiful, _impossible_ elf was…

…

…no.

No, Kravitz wasn’t going to allow this. Taako _was_ impossible. If anyone could get banished to another _Planar System_ and return, it would be Taako Taaco, Arcanist, Chef extrordinare, Tamer of the Grim Reaper himself.

A sudden conviction seized Kravitz, and an equally sudden idea - Taako would be looking for a way home, and Kravitz would meet him halfway. He only knew one possible avenue, but he would try it. For Taako.

“I have an idea,” he said simply into his stone to the rest of his family, before turning it off. He didn’t want to explain himself, didn’t want to hear their ideas on why this wouldn’t work - he had to _try_.

He ripped a portal between the planes, and stepped out onto the deck of the Starblaster.

It was exactly as he remembered it from years ago, after the Taako brand had paired with the Miller Institute of Arcana and Science to restore it to working condition. The Bond Engine hummed faintly as he approached, as if greeting him. He nodded towards it, before feeling a little foolish and turning away towards his true goal: the cockpit.

If it had been reversed, Kravitz thought, what would Taako have done to bring him back? Likely, something crazy and wholly unexpected. And right now, trying to pilot the Starblaster back to Taako’s plane of origin to retrieve him was the craziest, most unexpected thing Kravitz could think of.

He sat in the pilot’s seat, eying the console. He knew most of the controls, if not all of them - he’d spent enough time talking with Davenport. He could do this.

He punched the ignition.

 

-

 

This had been a _terrible_ idea.

Kravitz wasn’t sure exactly where it had gone wrong, but he _suspected_ it was the moment when he’d thought “What would _Taako_ do here?”

Frankly, he was amazed he hadn’t completely destroyed the ship, or hurt anyone, given the somewhat sizable crater and the scarred earth leading up to it. Apparently, the Miller Institute of Arcana and Science considered “working order” to mean “the engine propels whichever way it wants, and also we’ve switched the functions on the entire console. You’re welcome.”

It hit him that Taako had hardly been gone for half an hour, and already he’d managed to lose his mind and crash the Starblaster (Davenport would kill him, surely, if Barry and Lup didn’t, and he should have talked to _them_ first, they probably _knew_ how to actually fly this thing, had actually traveled the Planes before), and he dropped his head to the wheel with a thump, considering his options. He could just wait - he had forever, and Taako would find a way back, he- he was sure of it. But… he wasn’t sure how long he could bear to wait, not knowing how much longer it might take for him to return, and how could he just sit and do nothing - or worse, go back to his job, like nothing was wrong?

How could he face Lup, or Barry?

Taako meant the world to them all, and he’d never, _ever_ forget that or take it for granted - but he’d never considered a world where Taako wasn’t there. His absence hit _hard_.

Something dripped onto his hand, and it took him a moment to realize he was crying, tears silently tracking down his face.

He didn’t think he could do it. Not after almost a thousand years married to this elf, this vibrant force of personality. He couldn’t imagine being without him, his Taako…

He…

He just _wanted_ …

He closed his eyes, heard a thrum behind him - Planar magic, probably Lup or Barry, coming to talk him down, chew him out for this hare-brained scheme. He took a deep, unneeded but much wanted breath, and turned to face -

Taako, stepping out of the Bond Engine, alight with excitement and the thin tendrils of light that pulled away from him as he materialized on the plane.

He flicked a pair of white shuttered shades up, surveying the scene with what was probably supposed to be a casual eye, though the grin on his face betrayed him. “Babe, did you just _crash_ the fucking _Starblaster_?” he asked, and then Kravitz was colliding with him, wrapping him up in his arms and spinning him, holding him tight and kissing whatever he could reach - his hair, eyes, cheeks, lips - and Taako was trying to kiss him back, but his open-mouthed laughter kept getting in the way, and Kravitz cherished the way each breath warmed him.

“I-” he started, trying to explain, but unable to find the words. He felt breathless, despite not needing to breathe. “I was- you-”

Taako wiggled his arms free, taking Kravitz’s face in his hands and pulling him into a deep, smiling kiss that Kravitz fell into so willingly. When Taako pulled away for air, he smiled up at the Reaper.

“Thanks for bringing me back, babe,” he whispered, beaming. Behind them, there was the sound of space ripping.

“Kravitz, what the _hell_ do you think you- Taako?” Lup stopped short, staring at them. Taako twisted to look over his shoulder, giving her a shit eating grin.

“What’s up, Lulu?”

“Don’t you fucking “Lulu” me, you dingus!” she scolded, a twin grin spreading over her face- before coming to a stop. “Wait, hold on… those shades…”

Taako turned in Kravitz’s arms, leaning back against him and flicking the shades back down. “Eyup,” he said smugly, reaching into his pocket and pulling something out in a clenched fist.

She stared at him, wide-eyed. “You didn’t.”

If anything, Taako looked more smug. “Count ‘em up, Lulu!” he crowed, opening his hand and dropping fifteen crisp bills.

“You fucking- you were back in our home plane for half an hour, and you _robbed Greg_ Fucking _Grimaldis?_ ”

“To be fair,” he peered over the shades. “He _did_ owe you.”

“You took his _shades!_ ”

“Well, he owed me. For saving the universe and everything. Also, apparently our original plane is like, totally cool now. I guess Jeffandrew pulled it back together.”

“I’m… very confused,” Kravitz said. Taako tilted his head back, smiling up at him.

“Don’t worry about it, someone owed Lup money and we had a bet on who’d get to collect.” He winked at him, then stuck his tongue out at Lup. “I win.”

She tackled the two of them in a full-body hug, and that’s where Barry found them when he arrived a moment later. He smiled at them, relief plain in his features… before looking out over the Starblaster.

“Um… you _know_ Davenport’s gonna kill us for this, right?”

**Author's Note:**

> Greg Grimaldis sounds like the kind of dude who would always wear white plastic shutter shades.
> 
> or maybe that's just me
> 
> Also, I'm really into this little.... reaper-family verse, so if anyone wants to prompt me for something with them, hit me up~!


End file.
